Blasted enter key...

The weather has been so interesting today. It's been sunny...it's been cloudy...and most strange of all, it got really and foggy and ICY earlier. The rapid change in weather reflects the diversity of the landscape and the people and the traditions. In being here for just about two weeks (tomorrow), I have already grown so comfortable in the changing landscapes and weathers and differences in lifestyle. I think I was comfortable the 2nd day I was here. But I think that really reinforces my need to be here. Being comfortable means I was right.

Being right is nice.

Being here has really gotten me to think about things in my life. It has helped me to see how I can handle different emotions; become like a chameleon and blend in with my surroundings; expand my creative skills; understand and learn more about different cultures, traditions and beliefs...

I have come to understand more about who I am and who I want to be. I am coming to realize just what I want out of life.

I know what I want out of a relationship. I know what I don't want...I know what I've had...I know what I have now. What I have now is more than I could have ever asked for.

I remember laying home sick from work on the couch during the summer this past year and watching hour after hour of a Secret Life of an American Teenager marathon. This has happened before when I'm sick. That exact way is how I got addicted to Dawson's Creek when I was younger. Anyway...I remember thinking, episode after episode, that the character Ben...the boyfriend of the girl (Amy) who was pregnant would be the perfect boyfriend to have. He was caring, mature (way more mature than any 15 year old boy I had ever encountered), down to earth, responsible, loving...I didn't think guys like that existed. What he was was not something I thought I would ever have or even deserve.

I know I have had some realtionships in the past that I thought meant a lot to me. I guess they may have at the time...but now I can hardly remember them. I know now that I deserve so much better than what those guys...those who I can only see now as blurs...had to offer. I didn't matter to them. I wasn't important. I wasn't a priority.

But now I feel like I am worth something. I feel cared about. I feel respected. I feel deserving. I feel loved. I feel wanted.

I feel...for the first time in my life...that I am important to someone else. I feel...no, I believe...that I am needed.

That's incredible to me. Beyond words. Every time I think about it I feel like I've reached the end of the universe and there's nothing more to say. No words can possibly encapsulate what I am feeling or what I want to do.

I feel creative non-stop.
I always want to make him smile.
I want to do everything with him.
I am happy all the time...and even when I'm sad I am the happiest girl in the world because all I have to do is remember that he is there and everything is perfect again.

But what does this have to do with the UK? Well...I have been doing some thinking.

A lot of thinking.

I had two things I have wanted all of my life. One was to come to the UK.

Check!

The other was to have someone like him...as much as I didn't think it was possible...I always still wanted it.

But no check here. That isn't something I just want to have just done in my life. It's not something I can cure by stepping foot onto the soil and taking in the sights, smells and sounds. Being with him is something I want to cherish for as long as I can. Every look, every word, every moment feels like it lasts a lifetime. The UK has been here forever. Patrick is here now.

Now please...I don't want you to think I'm regretting being here...because I'm not. It's just opening my eyes about my life.

Everyone has dreams and goals in their life. Mine was to come here. My dream is being fulfilled every second I sit here and I am enjoying every bit of it. It's just not every day when a person gets the beautiful chance to be with someone they really connect with so completely. I feel like the absolute luckiest and most blessed person to have been give what I've been given.


((Hold on...I need to answer Grandma's questions before I get too deep into what I'm saying...

The main religion in Wales is Christianity...72%. The Presbyterian Church of Wales is the largest denomination and was born out of the Welsh Methodist revival in the 18th century and seceded from the Church of England in 1811. The Church in Wales is the next largest denomination, and forms part of the Anglican Communion. It too was part of the Church of England, and was disestablished by the British Government under the Welsh Church Act 1914 (the act did not take effect until 1920). The Roman Catholic Church makes up the next largest denomination at 3% of the population. Non-Christian religions are small in Wales, making up approximately 1.5% of the population. 18% of people declare no religion.

Tecwyn is the Wales program director for Central College but works in the international office to help all students if they need it. He is also a professor of Welsh culture, The languages of Welsh, Spanish and German (I think?) and possibly other courses. He's basically like our tourguide and helps us with anything we may need to better understand all that is going on. :]))


I know I've always been one to put others before myself...but now I am finally learning how amazing it is for others to genuinely care about you enough to put you before themselves. I still question every day why I should have been so lucky to get him in my life...but then I remember how amazingly happy I am and I don't have to worry about it a second more.

I don't have to be sad.
I don't have to question things.
I don't have to worry about anything.
I don't have to be afraid.
I don't have to wonder "what if".

And no matter what happens...I will be eternally grateful that I've had this happen in my life. Some people never get something like this in their life. Some people never get to know what love is or feels like.

Well now I know how incredible it is and what it feels like.

I know I have him and that's what keeps me going.

That and the fact that I get to wake up to the beautiful scenery of the Menai Strait and the snowy Mt. Snowdon. Seriously...how did I get the two things I've always wanted at the same time? I really think that if I died now I'd be truly happy and will have gotten everything I've wanted out of life. I just hope now I can learn all that I can while I'm here and bring it home to share it with everyone. I want everyone to have the experiences I've had...seen the things I've seen.

Mainly my Grams. I know she always wanted to come here...so I feel like I'm doing this for her...I'm living her dream too. I was talking about this earlier with my mom. A few of my friends and I have discussed visiting Germany and I would really like to go...but if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen. I know that Grandma has been there...whereas she hasn't been to the UK...in a way it's like we're sharing if I don't make it there. She went there for me and didn't know it. Now I'm experiencing the UK for her through picture and word. I'd rather do what I can to see her smile than I would myself. But we'll see.

I don't even feel that anything I have said this entire entry has made a single drop of sense. Oh well...I feel better to have gotten it out even though I have loads more to say.

All in all...I love life. I love my family, I love my friends, I love the UK and I love him.

My life, as I know it, is perfect.